Denial is not a river in Egypt. It is a coping strategy that is ultimately self defeating. It prevents us from dealing with reality. And, leadership in these turbulent times means facing reality, not as a self-defeating exercise in doom, but to better prepare. The alternative is what adaptive leadership theorist Ron Heifitz describes: “Reality may catch up with you as people discover that they are unprepared for the world in which they now live." [1]
Unless we face hard realities, we will be woefully unprepared for a world primed by climate change for more frequent and increasingly deadly natural disasters. We will be unprepared for a world in the midst of one of the most consequential wars of recent history. Indeed, the war in Ukraine is a proxy fight for democracy that will answer the question of the sovereignty of nations. Can authoritarian leaders just declare another country theirs? Will the international rule-of-law prevail, or, will we be ruled by authoritarianism and violence?
Here in the United States, we are facing the same kinds of stark choices. We are being plagued by disinformation campaigns, rhetorical and political violence. This became clear when people stormed the capitol on January 6, 2021. And just last week, a man shouting, “Where is Nancy,” bludgeoned her 82-year-old husband, Paul, with a hammer. Two weeks earlier, Kanye “Ye” West, talked of going “death con 3” on Jewish people. Considering the history of the Holocaust, that is chilling.
Our church is being buffeted by some of these same societal storms as we experience division, disaffiliation, disinformation, and increasingly virulent social media attacks. Our LGBTQIA+ siblings and their allies have had the Book of Discipline weaponized against them. One of our basic human needs is safety, yet none of us feels safe.
How are we to lead in the face of this reality and the reality that will continue to emerge? How will we keep the chaos from overwhelming us at the same time that we welcome the opportunities for change? How will we imagine and realize the church that we want--one that is open, inclusive, vibrant, relevant and alive? How will we create in the midst of a storm?
There are four ways we can all lead with hope:
Lead Yourself
Refuse to Use the Master's Tools
Inspire with Hope
Stay in Touch with God's Glory
Lead Yourself!
I am convinced that the hardest and most important job of leadership is to lead and manage ourselves. For instance, to stand for an ideal without bending to pressure requires managing the desire to be liked. To avoid manipulating people to get what we want, we must confront the desire to win and conquer it. To take the risk of putting oneself on the line and leading means sometimes absorbing the pain of loss.
I have learned this, many times over. The most painful lesson came in 2016 when I helped spearhead an effort to pass Connectional Table legislation that would have allowed same-sex marriage and the ordination of partnered LGBTQIA+ clergy. I was convinced that the legislation, called “The Third Way,” had the support needed to pass at the 2016 General Conference. Then it was sidelined along with all other legislation having to do with human sexuality.
After that defeat, came jurisdictional conference where I was an episcopal candidate. I flew high for a few ballots, only to begin to fall around the sixth. I withdrew after the tenth ballot, and walked around the conference facility in tears. I was embarrassed by my tears, but I could not control them. All of the energy and the passion that I had invested in that effort came crashing down on me emotionally.
In 2016, I had to lead myself through the valley of the shadow of death on many levels. I had to face the pain of loss and avoid the exit strategies that tempted me. One such exit strategy was anger. But I knew that my anger was a coverup for fear, hurt, and vulnerability. I had to allow myself to be human and experience all three. Then I had to care for myself and take the time I needed to heal.
As we approach the challenges ahead, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable rather than striking out. We must shoulder our own losses with dignity, especially as we ask others to shoulder multiple losses to bring about change. Then, we will have to practice self-compassion, which will increase our ability to have compassion for others.
Refuse to Use the Master’s Tools
Audre Lorde famously wrote, “For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us to temporarily beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change." [2]
We cannot seek change by any means necessary. Ends do not justify the means in the “kindom” of God. This became clear in 2012 when I chaired a subcommittee on abortion. There were U.S. delegates intimidating and threatening delegates from Africa. I stood in front of the group and called the behavior out. I remember saying, “This is not of God.” What I meant was that if you have to achieve your goals through coercion, manipulation, dishonesty, or bullying, then it is not of God. Therefore, it does not belong in the church. Indeed, to use such tactics is to relinquish the moral authority which is at the center of our identity and a primary source of our credibility.
The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. knew this when he promoted nonviolence, even as he and his followers faced horrific violence. Because King refused to retaliate, he gained the moral high ground that made it impossible to ignore him and his message. He embodied the values that our country said it stood for and put compelling images of Americans not living up to those values on national television.
Inspire with Hope
How do we ask people to face reality and lead with us unless we give them hope? Jesus did this every time he predicted his crucifixion and death. He insisted the disciples face reality when he told them, “The Human One will be handed over to the chief priests and the legal experts. They will condemn him to death…They will ridicule him, spit on him, torture him, and kill him.” But then he gave them hope. “After three days, he will rise up,” [3] he said.
We have to be honest about the challenges we face, but insist that, by the power of God’s Spirit, our church will rise up. Our local churches will thrive, not just in numbers but in relevance and impact. And our people will can find within themselves the courage and faith to keep fighting the good fight for freedom and equality for all.
Stay in Touch with God’s Glory
In a recent video put out by the Council of Bishops, Bishop Robert Schnase noted that episcopal leaders absorb and hold other people’s pain. I believe that is true of anyone who chooses to lead. We all hold the pain of our church as it goes through the turmoil of division. We hold the pain of colleagues and friends who are being attacked. We hold the pain of churches and colleagues deciding to leave. If we engage the hard work of leadership and try to hold all of this pain without staying in touch with the glory and wonder of God, we will burn out.
This weekend, in preparation for jurisdictional conference, I made my way to the Lake Huron Retreat Center in Burtchville, Michigan. I stayed in a cottage that they make available to annual conference clergy. I could see the lake from my window. In the mornings, I’d walk to the water’s edge to watch the sun rise. I watched in awe as billows of fog hovered over the waters, hues of yellow, orange, lavender and blue painting the horizon. I watched as heaven met water, and the rising sun revealed the majesty of God.
It was as if I could hear the psalmist whispering to me: “Heaven is declaring God’s glory; the sky is proclaiming [God’s] handiwork.” [4] I took a deep breath of the cold fresh air. “This is how I prepare,” I thought. “This is how we all prepare.”
I look forward to seeing you in Fort Wayne as we prepare together, not just for elections, but to lead. Please come and find me. I’d love to hear your thoughts about the challenges and opportunities for leadership ahead.
Kennetha J. Bigham-Tsai
October 31, 2022
[1] Ron Heifitz, Leadership on the Line, Harvard Business Review Press, Boston, 2002, p. 18.
[2] Audre Lorde, The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House, Penguin Classics, 2018.
[3] Mark 10: 33-34, CEB
[4] Psalm 19:1, CEB